Therapeutic disclosure
Therapeutic Disclosure After Sex or Porn Addiction
A therapeutic disclosure is a planned, guided session in which a person in recovery tells their partner the full truth about their sexual behavior. Brad Salzman, LCSW, CSAT, helps couples prepare for it carefully.
What is a therapeutic disclosure?
A therapeutic disclosure, sometimes called a formal disclosure, replaces a painful trickle of partial truths with one honest, complete account, given with therapists guiding the process.
It is not a confession meant to unload guilt. Its purpose is to give the partner the information they need to make informed choices about their life, their health and the relationship.
Why the truth in pieces hurts so much
Many partners go through what is often called staggered disclosure. The truth comes out bit by bit, often only when something new is discovered. Each new piece can feel like a fresh betrayal, and the partner is left wondering whether there is still more to come. A structured disclosure is designed to stop that cycle.
How a disclosure is prepared
Preparation takes time, often several weeks or months, and both partners are supported separately before the disclosure session. In general terms, it includes:
- Work with the person disclosing. With their therapist, they prepare a written account of their sexual history and acting out behaviors, reviewed and revised until it is complete, honest and free of blame or excuses.
- Work with the partner. With their own therapist, the partner thinks about what they want to know, what level of detail will help, and what might only cause more pain.
- Planning the session. The therapists agree on how the session will run, how emotions will be handled in the room, and what support each person will have afterward.
- Aftercare. Plans are made for the hours and days after the disclosure, which are often very hard.
Some approaches also include a later step in which the partner shares the impact of the betrayal, sometimes in an impact letter, and the person in recovery responds.
Why not do it alone?
A disclosure done without preparation can add to the hurt instead of helping it heal. Important information is often left out, details can come out in ways that cause extra harm, and the conversation can turn into blame or crisis.
Working with therapists who know how to prepare a disclosure helps keep the process honest, contained and as safe as possible for both people. Handling disclosure and supporting partners through it are part of the training to become a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. What a CSAT is.
Support for both partners
A disclosure is only done when both people are prepared. The person disclosing and the partner each have support of their own along the way, and the partner’s wellbeing matters just as much as the recovery of the person disclosing. Brad offers partner therapy for partners, and after a disclosure many couples continue with couples therapy.
Preparation can take place in online sessions, or as part of an intensive program, where a structured disclosure can be included when it is appropriate.
What colleagues say
“Brad is a smart and insightful therapist. He has all the tools a therapist needs to best assist his clients’ growth. I know this because I have consulted with him many times on personal and professional matters and he is consistently accurate in his assessments and guidance. He has a very fine name in the world of addiction treatment and I would not hesitate to send even my most challenging cases to him with full confidence that he can be helpful and healing.”
“Brad Salzman is a highly professional therapist. He has worked for many years helping people with addictions and relationship issues. I have known him for many years now. I would strongly recommend seeking him out for help.”
Free, confidential consultation
Sessions are held online. Licensed in New York (LCSW).